My Wife and Kids - Season 5 (2004)

Even though Michael is the only one who can get Jr. and Vanessa's baby to stop crying, after he fails a childcare class the entire family snubs him and refuses to let him be near the baby because he's not certified.

Michael refuses to go to his high school reunion because he lost the dance-off against Bobby Shaw as teenagers. After seeing Bobby again, Michael decides to go and compete in a new dance off where he promises to deliver the "Triple Bye Bye Birdie" move that everyone says is impossible.

Jr. is burnt out at being a father and Michael decides to use 'the magic baby' trick. Michael makes Jr. believe he is a genius whenever he's holding the baby and it inspires Jr. to retake his SATs.

Michael advises Jr. that it's ok to spend some time away from Vanessa and the baby, but his advice misfires when Jr. invites Jay along to their all-male poker game. Michael decides, in turn, to crash Jay's all-female book club, where they're discussing the latest book by Angeline Boudreaux.

Jay enters the family into a karaoke contest under the guise of family bonding, but Michael sees it's another way for her competitive streak to shine through. As the house divides into groups, Jr. tries to find the right way and time to propose to Vanessa.

At first, Michael is skeptical that Jay can be successful at opening her own soul-food restaurant. But his competitive and supportive sides emerge when the Hoos, the owners of the Chinese restaurant across the street, use sneaky tactics to put "Jay's Soooooouuuul Kitchen" out of business.

Michael's enemy, Bobby Shaw tricks Jr. into signing a contract making Jr. his slave. When Michael tries to get him out of the contract, they end up in a dance off.

Jr. and Vanessa's plan for a small, simple wedding get drowned out by Michael and Jay's lavish plans for the wedding of the century. Vanessa finally puts her foot down when Jr. can't stand up to his father and they run away to elope.

After Michael treats Jay horribly during a double date with Jr. and Vanessa, who are still very much in love, Jay demands that Michael be more attentive to her, but he takes it to maddening levels to punish her.

Vanessa buys Junior a foosball table. Michael beats him in a game and becomes obsessed with it. They all get sick of Michael's actions and propose a plan. Michael says that if anyone can score one goal against him he will chop the table up, with "El Foosey" surprising him and winning.

Michael feels neglected because Jay is spending all of her time studying for her psychology final. He decides to tutor her, but his efforts cause her to fail. To make it up to her, he tries to bribe her professor to let her re-take the test. Meanwhile, when Kady thinks Franklin prefers her smart friend over her, she tries to act more "brainy."

Jay announces that Saturday is Sweethearts Day, a holiday she made up solely for Michael to buy her diamonds. Michael uses a test basing Jay's attitude at a random moment to weigh how much she's worth and gets her a cheap gift, but when the truth is revealed his plan blows up in his face as Jay rates his every move.

Michael reluctantly accompanies Jay on a meditation weekend, where he has trouble following the rule of silence.

When the Kyles arrive at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for their family vacation, Michael announces that all he wants to do is get some rest and relaxation-by himself. But no sooner does he settle into his lounge chair for some peace and quiet than his talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy (David Alan Grier), shows up and insists that they spend time together. Michael is relieved to find a way out when Jay invites him to the isolated Magic Island so they can have some romantic fun. As their day winds down and it's time to leave, the boat never...

While at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for a family vacation, lovebirds Michael and Jay find themselves stranded on the isolated Magic Island - along with a rapidly rising tide -- and the only other person there who can help them is Michael's talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy (David Alan Grier) -- who refuses to do so since they weren't willing to spend time with him when they had the chance. Meanwhile, Jr. leaves Vanessa and the baby behind so he can enjoy the resort's activities; Tony and Claire hang out at the beach bar and she realizes...

Realizing that the garage is no longer a suitable living situation for Jr., Vanessa and the baby, Jay insists that Michael have it remodeled. When the contractor bids are too expensive for his taste, Michael decides to take on the job himself, with Jr.'s help. But when they get in over their heads, Franklin -- who happens to be a certified contractor - has to come to their rescue.

The same day Michael realizes he can't fit into his favorite pair of vintage jeans, he runs into an old high school friend, the muscular Daryl (Terry Crews), who doesn't look any older than when Michael last saw him. He enlists Darryl's help to get him back into shape and, in the process, becomes obsessed with looking fit and buff. Meanwhile, Franklin fails his first test and fears that Kady will no longer accept him.

When Jr. wins a national competition for his cartoon entitled "My Wife and Kid" -- based on himself, Vanessa, the baby and the rest of the Kyle family -- it catches the attention of ABC. Michael becomes Jr.'s agent, but the meeting with the television executives goes badly, crushing Jr.'s dream opportunity, so now Michael has to find a way to rectify the situation. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can bring some "umph" into their relationship.

When Jay tells Michael that their love life will be even better if they are celibate for six months, Michael is willing to abide by her wishes, although reluctantly. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady plant some seeds in the ground to symbolize their growing love for each other, but the seeds grow into an ingredient for a love potion that Jay uses to spice up her romantic dinner for Michael.

Under a time deadline to catch his flight to an important golf match at Pebble Beach, Michael tries to hurry and pack, but various family distractions keep getting in his way. He ultimately decides Jay and his family are more important to go and ends up bringing back a surprise.

It's Jay's college graduation day and Michael is determined to make it go flawlessly - but everything that could go wrong does, and the day seems destined for disaster. To make matters worse, Jay thinks Michael, who didn't want her to go to college in the first place, is trying to sabotage her special day.

With a lucrative bid from a large company offering to purchase Kyle Trucking, Michael convinces Jay that, if they sold their business, they'd be able to spend more quality time with Jr., Jr. and watch him grow up -- something they wish they could have done more of with their own kids. But the offer goes bust and Michael's nemesis, Bobby Shaw (Katt Williams), comes up with a surprising proposal. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire antagonize each other over who gets to spend more time in the bathroom.

Michael, who is determined to make record time driving from Connecticut to the Grand Canyon in a luxurious R.V., convinces his reluctant family to make the road trip so they can spend quality time together. Along the way, Michael puts the family through many misadventures -- including getting lost -- and in his haste neglects to read one of the R.V. manual's most crucial operational features.

Jay reads about a 67 year old woman giving birth and demands that Michael get a vasectomy so she won't have to worry about becoming an old mother with a new child.