It Ain't Half Hot Mum

- Season 3

(1976)

Solly has left the company and returned to Blighty. Both the Colonel and the Captain are in hospital so Williams is in charge and, mean-spirited as ever, wants to send the boys 'up jungle'. However, Rangi hears this and tells the Colonel, who again puts his foot down. The Supremo, a Very Important Person, will be visiting and the Colonel wants the party to put on a show for him. The company are happy to oblige but 'Gloria' sprains his ankle during rehearsals, meaning that Williams must replace him as the star drag act.

As it is rumored that one of the sons of the Maharajah of Bharatpah is planning to murder his father, the concert party are sent to the Maharajah's palace to protect him. It is decided that 'Lofty' the shortest but tubbiest member of the group, will jump out in front of the Maharajah to save him from attack. He does this several times but each is a false scare. Meanwhile the Maharajah thrashes Williams at snooker by cheating.

The false alarms continue. An apparent gun is made of chocolate. Then the men are aware of the dynamite in a pit underneath the maharajah's bedroom and Lofty is sent down to get rid of it. Unfortunately he gets stuck and nearly triggers it off, so that Williams has to go down and rescue him. The maharajah explains that the dynamite is there to blow a hole in order to build a swimming pool. And why do the men believe he will be killed by one of his seven sons when he only has five? That is because they are guarding the wrong maharajah. It's the one who lives across the...

Whilst in Bombay, Williams meets Sharp, another company sergeant-major and brags to him that his men are tough crack shots. Unfortunately for Williams Sharp decides to visit the camp to review the company. Williams panics but help is at hand. The men have been learning the Indian rope trick, which involves hypnosis, and Sharp is hypnotized into believing they are a tough fighting force.

Williams is still much smitten by Daphne Waddilove-Evans' maid Ling Soo, but her father does not approve. Williams is subject to death threats by the Tong, a sinister band of Chinese gangsters and attempts are made to kill him. Rangi arranges for the sergeant-major to meet Ling Soo, who suggests that they elope. But he refuses, as he could never leave the army.

Learning that soldiers with a university degree could get instant promotion to sergeant, Williams sees another means of breaking up the concert party. Gunner Graham has a degree and, if he is promoted and leaves the group, they will be minus their pianist and have to disband. Williams offers to take Graham for a drink, but the men slip Graham a 'Micky Finn' drug, so he will behave badly and not get promoted. Inevitably Williams drinks the glass with the Micky Finn in it and goes on the rampage but Graham uses the situation to get out of being promoted.