Green Acres - Season 3 (1967)

Oliver is finally fed up with the lousy service of the Hooterville Phone Company. He petitions the state "futilities commercial" (as Lisa calls it) for improvements, but they can't help; Hooterville needs at least forty-two customers to be covered by the law. Tired of hearing Oliver boast about how he could run the company better, Trendell, the president, hands him the keys to the place.

Oliver's without an operator on his first day as president of the Hooterville Phone Company. As he wrestles with an exploding switchboard, the locals gossip about how he stole the company from Roy Trendell in a rigged card game. Lisa figures out how to put calls through, but had rather flirt with the president than work the switchboard all night.

Irritated by complaints and about how much money he's losing, Oliver raises the rates at the Hooterville Phone Company. His top priority, however, is getting the Monroe brothers to connect his own phone inside the house. In the kitchen, Lisa discovers the magic of Dee Dee's Dehydrated Dinners. Just drop a bag into boiling water and out comes a full meal and a bottle of wine.

Oliver's reign as "El Presidente" of the phone company crashes and burns when he hires a farm worker to be his operator. He pays Haney to take the nightmare off his hands, but soon Hooterville is up in arms over the price-gouging Haney Phone Company.

The Douglases find a note from Eb saying he's eloped. While he's on his honeymoon, his cousin Walter will cover his duties. Unfortunately, Walter's experience is limited to bartending at the old Stankwell Falls Lounge. This leads to more destruction than usual on the farm and everyone thinking Oliver's opening a cocktail lounge.

Oliver is tired of paying storage for something neither he or Lisa can recall, so he has it shipped to Hooterville. Inside a giant crate is a genuine Stavinski birdbath that Lisa had bought years earlier for Oliver's birthday. The hideous collection of pipes and faucets leads Oliver to plot "the thing's" demise

Lisa tells another version of how she and Oliver met during World War II. As a member of the Hungarian underground, she saved him from Nazis by hiding him in a barn and got him a Purple Heart by poking him in the rump with a pitchfork. They saw each other again after the war when Lisa was a professional cello player.

With Doris out of town, Fred looks after Arnold by himself. When Arnold sees an advertisement for free movies and ice cream, he goes to Pixley. Lisa is convinced he's been pig-napped, so they all go on a search that leads them to a packing house.

Over Lisa's objections, Oliver plans on attending a farm symposium alone. To watch over her, he hires a charming young British man as a temporary farm hand. Determined to go along, Lisa plots to make Oliver so jealous of the handsome hired help that he wouldn't dare leave her behind.

Oliver gets the usual runaround from Haney when he complains about the ancient tractor he'd bought. But suddenly, it's a new, honest Haney who offers to buy back the tractor and the "dump" of a farm he sold Oliver. Coincidentally, Haney heard that the Douglas farm is in the path of a proposed new highway. Oliver's soon onto his scheme and decides to make the charlatan squirm.

Alf and Ralph announce that they are finally going to finish the Douglas' bedroom, but the project stalls when the "brothers" have a fight. Lisa hires Ralph as their maid and Oliver can't bring himself to fire her when he discovers she's a good cook.

Oliver shows symptoms of overwork, so Lisa talks him into going on a picnic.

Eb is embarrassed to tell the Douglases that he was stood up at the altar and took his honeymoon trip alone. He begs an old girlfriend, Cynthia, to pose as his new bride just long enough to meet his "parents". She agrees if it won't take long since she has a big date to get ready for.

Sam Drucker calls the law when he finds $300 is missing from his safe. With the investigation pointing only to Frank Nitti, Eb is finally charged. He shows up in a car he paid $300 for, but can't recall who gave him the money to buy it.

A mysterious young boy shows up at the Douglas farm and claims to be from another world.

A 10 year old whiz makes a deal with Lisa to "electronificate" the Douglas home for 28 dollars. Havoc ensues as he attempts to automate the entire farm.

Arnold is opening an account at the Pixley Bank when two robbers make off with a bundle of cash and the pig's five dollars. The pair hides out at the Douglas' farm, taking Lisa, Oliver and Eb hostage. Arnold runs off with their bag of loot and takes it to the authorities while the clueless criminals force Lisa to make hotcakes for them.

The farmers of Hooterville sign up for a government-sponsored agriculture exchange program to Europe. When they realize the $300 cost for tickets is per person, not per plane-load, they decide to supply their own airplane and fly themselves over. Since Oliver flew in the war, they draft him to be their pilot. The FAA puts a stop to their cockamamie plans.

On learning that Lisa's mother is coming for a visit, the Hooterville residents go overboard in wanting to welcome the countess. Despite Oliver's protests that she's not royalty, they forge ahead anyway with plans for a parade and marching band.

Everyone in Hooterville, except Oliver, is overcome with spring fever; even Sam Drucker is wearing his spring toupee. Deciding to revive the Hooterville spring festival, Lisa visits the neighbors to drum up support. Meanwhile, Oliver tries to do his planting with Eb who can't understand how to work the automatic planter.

Eb's latest career choice is that of a barber. He talks Oliver into paying his tuition to MIT, a mail-order barber college. Eb's sent a dummy head and hair to practice on and receives his grades by mailing the trimmed toupees back to the school. Lisa is excited about Eb's education while Oliver is irritated by all the hidden costs he keeps being asked to pay.

Lisa reminds Oliver that he promised her a New York vacation if she stayed with him on the farm for two years.

The Hungarian man who saved the life of Lisa's uncle moves in, seeking repayment for his good deed. Lisa feels an obligation to help Lazlo, but Oliver is simply irritated by his constant money-grubbing. Oliver's also unfazed by Lazlo's threats to cast a Hungarian curse on him.

It's planting season in Hooterville, but Oliver doesn't know what to grow. After testing the soil, he discovers Hooterville is perfect for growing rutabagas. The locals are overcome with rutabaga fever, going so far as to plan a "Rutabaga Bowl." To spread the word, Lisa is sent up in a hot-air balloon to drop vegetables on people with the message "Eat Hooterville Rutabagas" written on them.

At Sam Drucker's store, Oliver and Lisa meet their new neighbor who's about to go into labor. After racing her to the hospital, Oliver arrives home to find Lisa's volunteered to keep the woman's four other children in their home. Oliver's nerves become frayed when he's forced to sleep in the barn with the boys and spend all day carrying the kids to and from school.

Arnold's performance as a British police dog in the Hooterville theater production of "Who"--the marquee wasn't big enough for "Who Killed Jock Robin?"--turns him into an overnight star. Lisa is so impressed, she arranges for an old friend to give him a Hollywood screen test. After the locals stage a telethon to raise money for the trip, the Douglases are soon escorting the hammy actor West for his big showbiz break.

Oliver and Lisa chaperon Arnold to Hollywood for his screen test. Producer Boris Fedor isn't interested in the pig; he's just using him to pressure a greedy horse to come back to work. When the horse's agent balks, the publicity machine starts promoting Arnold as the studio's next big star. A stunned Oliver, who came along for laughs, can't believe what he's witnessing.